The rules of "your mom"

Ok well I have been surrounded by "Your Mom" jokes lately and I want to clear up something right off the bat, I am good with that. I always enjoy a well placed mom joke. Here is the problem: MOST PEOPLE ARE CLUELESS AS TO HOW TO PLACE A MOM JOKE.

I have some youth that think it is funny to take everything you say and turn it around to a mom joke.
For example:
Me- "I am going to bed."
youth- "Your mom goes to bed."
Of course my mom goes to bed, she is a human and like the musical masterpiece on Sesame Street, "Everybody sleeps."

Here are some rules that I am making up off the top of my head that may help you to be a successful "your momer"

1). Be patient- A good mom joke is not one of repetition. Placement is key
2). Placement is key- I realize i just said this but it is that important without proper placement you get a laugh because you are an idiot, with proper placement you get a laugh because you are a comic genius. Now I do not know about you but I want to be a genius.
3). Be ahead of the game- You should anticipate good mom jokes. Do not just throw them around everywhere but anticipate a conversation and get ready for placement.
4) Be creative
5). Watch your frequency- The best mommer I know is the one that does not say jokes often.
6). Be careful- Dont "your mom" everyone. This is not funny and I am not laughing, but some people have problems with there moms or do not know them or they might not be with us any longer. Don't throw mom jokes on the guy without one. Be sensitive....that can get really awkward too.

Here is a few good examples of good mom jokes

50 people are sitting in a room playing dirty santa. One guy gets a gift of a huge yellow sign that says oversize.
the mommer says, "hey man, I forgot your mom's belt was a dirty santa gift...you may want to give that back to her."

- that was one of the best your mom jokes I have heard of.

There is a place for random moms- Hey man you going to college...."Your mom goes to college." Yeah it is stupid but can be funny. Do not overuse.

I will not go further on this I will just let you learn but let me give a disclaimer. Though these jokes can be fun, some take them offensive and all will take them offensive at a point. If it sounds bad, dont do it. It is better to hold your tongue that to mess up a relationship with a friend. Well do me a favor guys....get better placement.

i am about to vomit over the stench in this room

I am sitting in Church History at this moment and really bored because my teacher is rambling about Calvinism...Ok I will go ahead and admit it, I have tried to hide it to some. I AM NOT CALVINIST. Therefore, this lecture is pretty boring to me. Anyways I am really starting to get sick because I keep getting a wiff of gas from somewhere. You know what I mean you are sitting in class and all of the sudden a wisp of sick stale air runs over you to the point of making your skin crawl. Well I have not located the smell yet it is either: a). A nasty Fart or B). Body odor.

I do not mean to draw conclusions but there are 2 heavy (being a politically correct term for really fat) people sitting above me in a seat and I think they are the culprit.

Isn't it funny how if there is ever a smell it is the fat guy?
I mean seriously if you are skinny or just normal you are good, you never stink. If there is a fat guy in the room it is always him.

If you are a skinny farter here is a hint: Surround yourself with heavy people and you will never be caught for your flatulance.

Anyways, I digress, I am about to vomit because I keep getting this sick smell and it is killing me. My eyes are watering.

If you are around me in the next few weeks and I get a smell of what is going on right now then stand back....I may throw up on you.

Thongs...sandals that is

Well one of my dear friends and member of the youth group that I work with told me that he would like to see a blog regarding thong sandals. Well I have given this much thought and realized that he is exactly right, there is a problem with calling thong sandals, thongs.

Ok Folks let us be grown-ups here we all know that when people hear the word thong they are not thinking of foot wear.

However, someone decided that they would refer to sandals that go between the toes as thong sandals.

Webster says that a thong is an item of clothing or a material that fastens or holds something with a small piece of material.

So technically you can call thong sandals thongs. But lets be real here. Can we not just call them sandals. I remember being in high school and the principle would state the dress code and say, "guys not thongs sandals." Ok that got a laugh but then as he continued to refer to this he began to abbreviate and take off Sandals from the term. As you can imagine this led to a great uproar of midschool laughter. I do not have much to say here but be careful with you terminology and come quickly summer that I may start wearing my thongs....sandals that is.