I guess I just have something with hair

Well I am not sure what it is, but when I get bored I really enjoy looking at people and the other day I was sitting in class and staring at the head that was floating in front of me. Heads are kinda weird looking but especially people that are balding. Now I have to be very careful because I do not exactly have a full head of thick, Mcdreamy or Raleigh (haha inside joke) hair. I have a full head of hair but only at the mercy of God. It is pretty thin. But that being said I have developed a theology of Balding that I believe everyone needs to know, memorize, and adhere to in order to be accepted in society.

Here is the theology of balding:

1). Know when you hit balding- the first step in recovery is to know your struggles, listen people, you don't just wake up one morning and the top of your scalp is glowing, hair loss is a process. Unless you were severely electricuted in your sleep and did not know about it, you probably woke up this morning with the same hair that you went to sleep with, except for a few pieces. Recognize that you are going down and do it with dignity.

2). We know you are balding- ok if the first step is to recognize that you are bald, the next step is to know that everyone else know you are bald too. Yeah, sorry boss that comb over isn't cutting it. Everyone knows, and no they do not approve, of your hair line starting at your left ear lobe. We know you are bald you might as well just accept it.

Ok so let me digress a minute. We need to cover some comb over mistakes.

The Comb over is a risky style. We all know that you are bald and we accept that, seriously it is ok. But when you have the comb over people forget that you are bald. They start thinking your hair is just naturally gross. But then that unfortunate wind hits your hair and that hair cap that you have grown from your face decides to move, the whole world in one instant knows...WOW HE REALLY IS BALD.

Story time:
One of my dear older friend was with me one day. He struggles from what I call UCOD, which stands for Ultimate Comb Over Disorder. He was outside and I was talking to him. At that moment a misplaced wind blew and I promise you, I still have nightmares about this, his hair went straight up and then fell to his side and that come over touched his shoulder. If I am lying I will repent. I promise you it did. Just imagine that. He was covering up not a small pond on top, no he was covering his entire head, except for that small part that actually had some sort of mutation of hair. Of course I laughed at him and had to leave because I was on the ground crying. When he grabbed that hair and flung it on his head you would have that he just picked up a cat and placed it on his head. It was sick.

The moral of that story and back to the theology is do not do that. NO ONE ON THE PLANET LOOKS BETTER WITH A COMB OVER.

But if you must, here are some rules to the comb over:
1). Don't let it fall to the side
2). Balding bangs are not cut, keep it out of your eyes
3). Watch you sprigs, yeah those little hairs that you are trying to keep so they will grow, just cut it, one hair in the middle of your head still means you are bald...sorry.

Back to the theology:

3) Just go ahead and grow a gotee and shave your head- Seriously if you are bald that is ok, keep it short and tight. Don't try it anymore just work what your momma gave you, or what your sick balding momma didn't give you which is the hair gene. Just cut it and grow a gotee and go on. You will be liked for other features...Like your increasing amount of back hair.

Wow, I am bored....well if you have anymore suggestions that will help others in there balding process or rules that you wish "that guy" would follow, just comment.

The homeboy is hairy

Ok so let me set the scene for you. I am sitting in my church history class today at 8:30 listening to an inspiring lecture on the trinity and the Christological controversy, great I know. So because of my boredom I begin to look around at my homeboy that always sits beside me in class. No, I don't know his name because he does not talk, yeah he can he just does not, so we have never actually spoke. Here is our relationship. He arrives to class everyday approximately 5 minutes before I do and sits in the same spot every day. I too sit in the same spot and have to walk behind him in order to get to my desk. Homeboy is not the smallest guy in the world but he is not huge either. However, he is the guy that when people are trying to walk behind him, he will not pull his chair up, instead he just leans forward, like that helps. So today I was particularly mad at him because as I walked in I see him wearing a obnoxiously small Nebraska Corn Huskers sweatshirt that laid particularly snug against his chip belly. I would say beer belly but he does not strike me as the guy who would drink, he does strike me as the guy who would eat a ungodly amount of chips. So today as I go by, he is at an all time back level, to the point that I could not even get my leg through for his chair. He refuses to acknowledge the fact that I am behind him so I begin to knee him in the back in order that he would scoot up. Let me remind you that I still have not said anything to him, this is all just nonverbal, scoot your fat butt up, communication. So I get by and sit down and class begins.

Now for the good part of the story.

About half way through the class time, I begin to look around because I am bored. Many times I enjoy staring at the homeboy in the face because I think it makes him nervous, as it should, and that is funny to me. So today I am staring at him and all of the sudden I notice something. THERE IS A 1/2 INCH LONG HAIR HANGING FROM HIS NOSE. I am not joking, this is by far the longest nose hair I have ever seen. I mean really, I may be wrong but the last time I checked hairs do not grow an inch over night. So I keep staring in amazement at this hair. As class progressed the hair began to take on a mind of its own. Everything that homeboy would breath the hair would dance around on his face. It would go in and out and up and down. By this time I am holding my hand over my face in order to not let people see me laugh/puke. I am serious it was so funny. So all of the sudden homeboy decides that it is time for him to rest his face, I guess his head was getting heavy, so he puts his two index fingers up his nose and just rest his head on his fingers. SINCE WHEN WAS THAT ACCEPTABLE.

The moral to this story, the life application is this:

Pluck your nose hairs. You do have enough time to make sure you do not have a inch long hair protruding from your snout.

Have a good day and stay tuned for more funny things that people do around me.

That blasted ever loving siren

So last night I was driving to a friends house from my apartment in Louisville. I have been carrying around a bull horn in my car from the church this summer because I forget to take it out of the back of my car and it is fun to yell at bikers with. So anyways I go around this curve and all of the sudden I hear the bull horn slide around in the back. Somehow that siren button got switched and the next thing I know my ears are ringing with the piercing sound of this siren in my ear. Due to the fact that I can not reach the horn, I was driving and about to cry as I thought of how my hearing was fleeting from my presence, as ever second ticked away. As I am driving it was funny because people began to look at me so I pulled over in this parking lot and jumped out of the car and ran to the back and turn the siren off. It was really funny to me. Then I found 5 dollars. Actually I didn't find 5 dollars but in case you did not like the siren story maybe you will find 5 dollars amusing. If not, get off my blog.

Farting can not be funny all the time

Well I am thinking that I may continue to blog on this site but I will change it up a little. I want to continue to use it to tell you what is going on in my life but I do not think that just talking about gas will be that funny. Besides it makes me feel like I am a 8 yr old. Anyways stay tuned into the ole blog for more stories of things that happen to me and go tell your friends that you read this really cool blog everyday and it helps you walk through life just a little easier. Holla

Story 1 of humanities uncontrollable desire to gas in my presence

The other day I was sitting in the coffee shop at seminary trying to read and pass the time before my next class. Let me set the scene. I am in a chair in the corner with a cup of coffee and a Church History book. There are 3 guys at the table in front of me all discussing the days events. To my right (the farter) was a man that had a cup of coffee a book and I guess an uncontrollable desire to talk to everyone in the room the wrong way. So here is what happened as I am reading I hear this guy pass gas at his table and I am not talking about just a little bit. This was an obvious, "I am about to mess in my pants" one and to top it off, he did not move. Yeah I know, there is always that guy, the guy that does it and just acts like nothing happened. Me being the mature one that I am, start to laugh as well as the guys in front of me and there was no question as to who did it. Finally after much laughter and tears, the victim stood up took his things and left. I proceeded to laugh until I could not see him anymore.

Nature and Description of the blog

Hey everyone, Well I know that you have had many sleepless nights awaiting this blog. So good news. It is here. So where every you are I would like you to stand and applause because of your excitement for this journey. Thank you for your applause, that means a lot.

The "Yeah I farted....Jealous" Blog is a record of farts that I hear around me everyday. The names have been changed to protect the innocent...or crude; however you look at it. I believe that each and every day that some one will let one go and you will either hear it or smell it. So I am creating this blog in order to give the innocent bystanders that are dying because of your sick habit an outlet of response. Yeah we know who you are and no we don't like it. Just because you think you can walk off or slide your foot on the group to cover it up, does not phase us. You let one and then leave and let in linger.

So check this site every now and then just to hear the stories. You are welcome to comment and post your own stories if you like. Please I know that it can be a touchy subject but I ask that you not mention names or change them and please NO PROFANITY. Thank you and enjoy.