I guess I just have something with hair

Well I am not sure what it is, but when I get bored I really enjoy looking at people and the other day I was sitting in class and staring at the head that was floating in front of me. Heads are kinda weird looking but especially people that are balding. Now I have to be very careful because I do not exactly have a full head of thick, Mcdreamy or Raleigh (haha inside joke) hair. I have a full head of hair but only at the mercy of God. It is pretty thin. But that being said I have developed a theology of Balding that I believe everyone needs to know, memorize, and adhere to in order to be accepted in society.

Here is the theology of balding:

1). Know when you hit balding- the first step in recovery is to know your struggles, listen people, you don't just wake up one morning and the top of your scalp is glowing, hair loss is a process. Unless you were severely electricuted in your sleep and did not know about it, you probably woke up this morning with the same hair that you went to sleep with, except for a few pieces. Recognize that you are going down and do it with dignity.

2). We know you are balding- ok if the first step is to recognize that you are bald, the next step is to know that everyone else know you are bald too. Yeah, sorry boss that comb over isn't cutting it. Everyone knows, and no they do not approve, of your hair line starting at your left ear lobe. We know you are bald you might as well just accept it.

Ok so let me digress a minute. We need to cover some comb over mistakes.

The Comb over is a risky style. We all know that you are bald and we accept that, seriously it is ok. But when you have the comb over people forget that you are bald. They start thinking your hair is just naturally gross. But then that unfortunate wind hits your hair and that hair cap that you have grown from your face decides to move, the whole world in one instant knows...WOW HE REALLY IS BALD.

Story time:
One of my dear older friend was with me one day. He struggles from what I call UCOD, which stands for Ultimate Comb Over Disorder. He was outside and I was talking to him. At that moment a misplaced wind blew and I promise you, I still have nightmares about this, his hair went straight up and then fell to his side and that come over touched his shoulder. If I am lying I will repent. I promise you it did. Just imagine that. He was covering up not a small pond on top, no he was covering his entire head, except for that small part that actually had some sort of mutation of hair. Of course I laughed at him and had to leave because I was on the ground crying. When he grabbed that hair and flung it on his head you would have that he just picked up a cat and placed it on his head. It was sick.

The moral of that story and back to the theology is do not do that. NO ONE ON THE PLANET LOOKS BETTER WITH A COMB OVER.

But if you must, here are some rules to the comb over:
1). Don't let it fall to the side
2). Balding bangs are not cut, keep it out of your eyes
3). Watch you sprigs, yeah those little hairs that you are trying to keep so they will grow, just cut it, one hair in the middle of your head still means you are bald...sorry.

Back to the theology:

3) Just go ahead and grow a gotee and shave your head- Seriously if you are bald that is ok, keep it short and tight. Don't try it anymore just work what your momma gave you, or what your sick balding momma didn't give you which is the hair gene. Just cut it and grow a gotee and go on. You will be liked for other features...Like your increasing amount of back hair.

Wow, I am bored....well if you have anymore suggestions that will help others in there balding process or rules that you wish "that guy" would follow, just comment.